redemption

yesterday I was grinding through rush hour traffic to make it to the Coquitlam Library City Centre branch in time to set up for my conversation and connection event.

I'm fuelled only by the donut and coffee I had in the morning, my stomach growls and I hear the whisper in my head saying "I hope people show up..."

I hope because it's a free event, which means no commitment from anyone who registered.

I get to the library with 20 minutes to spare, rush inside and quickly start setting up.

when I was done I check my phone for the time and it shows me a photo instead.

a photo from 6 years ago... April 29, 2017

that was the day I spoke for the first time at a conference

the BIL conference, which is the antithesis of TED.

but that moment almost didn't happen.

I was writing my talk and dropped my pen to the floor when my inner critic spoke

you are going to share this crap?!?
who's going to listen to this?
it's all about you!
self centred, boring...

my inner critic is relentless
savage
cruel

I stared at the pages I wrote
I felt the pain
as my heart crushed

because I started to believe him.

I began to draft an email to the organizer, informing them that I will withdraw from speaking.

before I sent it
I reached out to my friend Jivi
someone who I just met

because my heart told me to.

I shared with her
the storm in my mind
and the pain

and how I wanted to quit.

Jivi said to me

the reason you are compelled to speak, is because someone else's soul reached out to your soul, and it needs to hear what you have to say so it can heal.

you don't know who this soul is.

they could be in the room that day... or they could be watching from the other side of the camera somewhere else in the world.

what you end up saying isn't what matters.

what matters is that you show up.

at that time of my life I was very pragmatic, so the talk of souls and healing? it was hard for my brain to accept

but it wasn't hard for my heart to accept.

I felt her words
I believed
I showed up.

I showed up...

my trance was broken when I heard the door to the room open.

two people entered and I heard "is this the conversation and connection event?"

I looked up at them and cracked a smile.

#chasingbutterflies