preparation

yesterday my friend Vanessa shared her grief from losing her dog Charlie.

I was triggered and the vision I've been receiving lately of that eventual moment with Kismet returned.

we are in the room
I am holding her
the injection happens

and I feel a bolt of white lightning sear my heart.

as I felt through the pain, I remind myself that Kismet and I only have so much time together.

I thought "you can't prepare for Death"

that's not necessarily true...

I was shown visions of our future having fun together, spending time together, being present with her, me loving her as hard as possible in every moment.

choosing to spend the time we have together in such a way that leaves no regret.

leave no regret...

and when that eventual moment comes, I know she lived the best life.

I reflected on this and it helped dissipate the pain.

I would have a lifetime of memories to hold onto... as we splashed in the river, chased each other around, getting lost in the forest.

experiencing life fully, moment by moment.

do you love yourself...
as much as you love Kismet

I felt a sting in my heart
couldn't avoid the question
couldn't lie about the answer

which is "No"

why...

I felt sadness
then pain
then I dove deep to find an answer

what I found was a door.

as I looked at it, I felt trepidation.

as I sat with my emotions

it was in that moment
that I became aware
the next part of my journey

has just begun.

#chasingbutterflies