heart of the matter

on Monday at VoiceStory Live, I shared the story of my love for my Grandfather and the impact of the unprocessed trauma from his passing when I was 19.

one part of the story is about my Grandfather suffering a stroke that crippled him, then a few months later he fell into a coma.

I went to see him at the hospital and then very strange series of events occurred, which left me alone in the room with my Grandfather with a radio that was just turned on.

the song "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley started playing

as I looked at my Grandfather and listened to the lyrics, I swore that he was talking to me.

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew,
I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

now as I listen to the lyrics and reflect on my journey over the last 30 years, he was speaking to me.

in fact he was telling me everything I needed to do, but I couldn't understand back then.

There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they've hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby
'Cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger
It'll eat you up inside baby

the pain I carried within consumed me and burned so hot that it destroyed everything I touched.

and forgiveness was the answer
and again
I couldn't understand.

because I could not see
I could not comprehend
that the person I needed to forgive

was me.

#chasingbutterflies