gift

on my walk with Kismet today I spent some time reflecting on my past year.

how it started and how is it coming to a close
the path I took which looks like a tangled spaghetti noodle
and crack a smile as I ask for the nth time "how the hell did I get here?"

my heart glows with gratitude that I made it this far.

I pass by a couple and overhear the question "what do you want for Christmas?"

so I pondered that for myself
I took a moment in the forest to go deeper
what do I want for a gift?

then as my heart stripped away constraints
I began reflecting on what I've been given.

the memories that came up
of the meaningful gifts that I have been given
were all people.

Ruby who gave me the shard of hope that I used to begin my journey.
Tyler who was there to hold me accountable so I could heal my body.
Ayron who trained me and pushed me beyond my comfort zone.
Feather who guided me during my awakening.
Mat who believes in my vision.
Ronnie who helps me navigate the spaces I explore now.

but as I dive deep into my heart I see Andra.

I feel an explosion of gratitude and tears stream down my cheeks.

you were there at the beginning 10 years ago
when our paths crossed at a random meetup
and then you guided me to unweave my first story.

you were there through the years as I walked in the darkness.

but it was this past October
when you invited me to experience a ceremony
when you insisted that I experience this particular ceremony.

when you chose
to take it upon yourself
to find a way to get me there.

and you did
then 72 hours later
my life forever changed.

so when I reflect upon
the greatest gift I've ever received
it isn't healing I experienced that weekend.

it was that you didn't give up on me to get me there.

#chasingbutterflies